Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Men of our word

Honesty is important to God. Most obviously, this is made clear to us in number nine of the Ten Commandments. But there are many other examples where God expects His people to be true to their word. In the ninth chapter of Joshua, Israel foolishly makes a pact with the Gibeonites without consulting God on the matter. And even though Israel was tricked, God still held them to their pact in 2 Samuel 21. Again, in Ecclesiastes 5:5, we are told that “it is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.” Without a doubt, there are other examples throughout the Bible, but these three are sufficient to make clear that God takes this business of integrity seriously. And so as we strive to become Christlike in our dealings, this business of integrity should become important to us, as well.

A large part of integrity, as we’ve already seen in scripture, is the practice of keeping a promise, no matter what the cost. This can be a small promise (like dinner plans with a friend) or something far greater. Many men have made a great promise, yet have failed to keep it in it’s entirety, myself included. The promise takes many forms, but you may have made it in a way quite similar to this: “I promise to take you as my lawfully wedded wife: to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'til death do us part” (emphasis mine).

It’s time for that painful moment when you have to hold that mirror up and ask yourself the hard questions. How well do you love and cherish your wife?  How many times, and in how many ways, have you failed to love and cherish her? Of those times, how many have been willful and intentional?

Men, I know we don’t like these hard questions, but a diagnosis must be made before we can implement a cure. If your arm is broken, a cast will do you no good if it’s placed, however skillfully, on your leg. In the same way, we must look in the mirror, as painful as it is, in order to move forward and be the husband that God wants us to be.

I know the pain that is caused by pornography in a marriage. I know how much worse the pain becomes when, after confessing the sin to your wife and promising that it won’t happen again, it happens again. And again. It is with great regret that I admit to you that I know how it feels to be a dog who returns to his own vomit (Proverbs 26:11). Life is hard, but it is much harder when you have to live with the knowledge that you have broken the heart of your beloved.

So why do I tell you this? To increase your faith. After all, there is hope. Jesus can and will set you free from the bondage that comes with pornography. God commands that we be pure, and He has provided for that purity in the work of Christ on Calvary’s cross. We have been forgiven and made whole. As the bride of Christ, God has promised to be faithful to us, and longs for us to be faithful to our own brides.

Men, it is time to move forward. It is time to not only strive for purity, but to achieve it. After all, we’ve already made a vow that we would be faithful to our wives. We would do well to follow through. I’m not going to pretend that this is going to be easy, but I have no hesitation in telling you that the victory is already yours in Christ. If you are reading this, I am praying for you.


Ryan Saffer